Tips to Get Joanna off Jury Duty
Since I follow Joanna— I mean, I follow her blog— I’ve noticed her being summoned for civic duty. So, I decided to make an itemized list of ways for her to get stricken during jury selection (like my use of legal jargon?):
You could…
- dress in Amish regalia.
- request several disability aids, despite obvious lack of disability (including documents in Braille and hearing devices). Make sure you tell them it’s for “backup purposes.”
- speak in an unknown language. I would start researching Swahili.
- clearly profess your negative views of the judicial process (include your disdain for soulsucking lawyers).
- eyefuck the judge, regardless of gender.
- do makeup so that you look ridiculously hung over, and do not take off your sunglasses unless demanded to (then revealing terribly dark circles and droopy eyes).
- draw very visible trackmarks on your arms.
- wear a stupid grin on your face the ENTIRE time.
- ask really uncomfortable questions when being briefed just before jury selection begins. A good one to start is, “Is it okay if I have to leave periodically to take my hep. cocktail?”
- fake tourettes.
Hope this helps. It probably won’t, but it’ll liven up your day a little. Especially if you dress like the Quaker Oats guy’s wife.
Canasty,
Thank you for these wonderful tips. I already plan on doing #s 4 & 5. (I’m doing #1 today just because.)