Oh hey guys, does anyone have a wedding or a fancy party in the foreseeable future that they need a date for? Because I need an excuse to buy this dress.
I’ll be super fun and dance a lot (or not a lot if that’s not your thing) and get drunk with you (but not too drunk as to embarrass you or worry you) and I’m low-maintenance and you won’t have to babysit me and I’ll laugh at your boss’s/father-in-law’s/high school classmate’s jokes (even if they’re not funny) and also, parents generally love me or at least find me charming, so there’s that.
Just please, someone, give me an excuse/occasion to buy this dress.
