2008

Let's go to Taj Mahal and eat lobster in...

Why does my cake look more like a huge piece of cornbread than a cake? Hmm… :/

Gettin' my bake on.

I’m about to put my apron on and bake this banana cake from scratch for boyfriend’s...

(www.marriedtothesea.com) Taking the boyfriend to the Magic...

It's the simple things...

Mangoes were 3 for 99 cents at Ralph’s, and I had a mini Weeds marathon with my boy. Today was...

irrationalblog: I made it 3 days without having to report to...

“You know what? You’re an individual, and that makes people...”
— Harriet the Spy (via...

Sarah Howell = Mastermind, squared.

Sarah: listen
Sarah: i just came up with the best idea ever
Sarah: we need to get married. not to each other, but to men. and then we have children and fulfill very serious but opposing stereotypes. and then we should go on wife swap.
me: OMG
me: YOU ARE A GENIUS
Sarah: and then we'll put on wigs and go on trading spouses.

Headline on the home page of CNN.com:...

…Seriously?

Post, post mortification.

I just realized there’s a link to my blog on my facebook page. With my luck, Winegardner will...

You know what's badass?

(I’ll tell you) …Receiving a facebook friend request from your old professor, who is...

The entire time we were in the Grand Canyon and white water rafting on the Colorado River, all I...

“Whether you choose love or fame, you’ll be able to...”
— my fortune from a fortune...

glog: Hey Nancy Needles! P.S. Ma’am, no shirt…no...

“Thanks for coming! We were waiting for you guys....”
— David Copperfield, to a couple...

I'll make this short.

Met my parents in Vegas yesterday; stepmom’s here on business, I’m here to hang out with...

Mimicking my niece. Babies - they’re so silly!

Perfection, asleep.

“Trust plus love. There’s nothing like it.”
—  My Mom (via allisonweiss)

Why Shlomit is every (frat) boy's dream...

Shlomit: when i finally get exclusive with someone, it'll be because of their innate desire to dress up in theme for no reason.
Shlomit: and obviously for the sex.
Shlomit: clearly i have high standards.

Go ahead - try harder to sound like a...

I want to bake a cake like whoa. Too bad you know who’s birthday isn’t for another 6...

My niece will be 2 months old tomorrow and is already doing...

Apparently Angelina Jolie has given...

Thank goodness. We can all get some sleep tonight.

Almost Done with Little Harry

holdthewhippedcream: Since I’m almost finished with my workday diversion, Mr. Harry Potter, I have...

Shlomit: but then i had this really crazy dream and it was totally a sign that i need to get away from him
me: i had a nightmare the other night that eddie murphy was trying to kill me because i wouldnt sleep with him. i was trapped in his mansion. it was the scariest shit ever and i woke up in the middle of the night in a panic.
me: who does that mean I need to get away from??
Shlomit: i'm gonna go with eddie murphy

Talk nerdy to me.

Hiatus = lots of free time, and lots of free time = getting to do things I don’t get to do...

“Oh, I get it. Romeo and Juliet, Capulus and Romulus....”
— Tracy Jordan to Jack Donaghy....

I’m supposedly being taken on a surprise adventure tomorrow…my guesses so far: The...

Drip by drip, Starbucks lost what made it...

Turns out Helen Keller DID write a...

Just got off the phone with Sarah Howell and told her about my little exchange with the 10 year old...

Patting myself on the back.

I just booked boyfriend’s birthday surprise. He is going to be stoked. Now hopefully I can...

Conversation between myself and a 10...

Girl: Oh, is this the line to check out books? I just need to ask a question, because I want to volunteer at the library.
Me: Oh, cool. (beat) I think the information desk is over there (I point to where the information desk is).
Girl: The guy said I needed to talk to someone else...I think he said Helen Keller.
Me: Oh yeah?
Girl: Yeah, she's an author or something. The author of the story of my life.
Me: Hmmm. (Consider this for a moment, and then, trying not to laugh, turn around slowly, and wait to check out books.)

irrationalblog: What it’ll look like in our living room on...

“i wish you unlimited sprinkles because i love you.”
— my brother, talking about a...

This reminded me of this. Henna in Nepal.

I’ve got a little black bag/backpack that is perfect for traveling but since i haven’t...

Taj Mahal at dawn.

This just in: I want to eat my lotion.

That’s right. But first let me explain - (though the title is pretty...

I’m hoping my thighs will thank me for dragging them half a mile down the boulevard to pilates...

One of the downfalls of living across the country from the...

"We need to talk..."

Those four words, whether coming from a significant other or the California department of...

www.marriedtothesea.com

Dear Boyfriend,

Please come home soon. As much as I love getting drunk dials at 2 pm (and 6 pm, and...

Loser!

christinahaberkern: Am I a giant nerd for going to see a movie alone? This is a first… I love going...

Girls in LA are retarded. (exhibit A...

Dear idiot girl at LA Fitness, We get it - you paid a lot of money to look like you have water...

Picture the boyfriend emailed me from his cousin’s...

“We eat so much watermelon, you’d think we were black.”
— Mariam, on Armenian eating...

How do you say "Happy 4th of July" in...

Rather than the usual hot dogs and beer at the beach, I spent my 4th of July at Mariam’s with...

I love the festivities that come with the 4th of July, celebrating being American in all its drunk...

I would post song lyrics to describe how I’m feeling, but this is tumblr, not livejournal.

glog: THANK YOU JOANNA!!!!!!! It is always important to...

www.marriedtothesea.com

Shlo’s email to me from her cousin’s wedding in...

Mashti Malone's

hipsterdiet: Thanks for the amazing cream rosewater. You’re ice cream rules. TOLD YA SO! :)

The good news is...

my lucky gun earrings worked and I got dismissed from jury duty by the prosecution. Or maybe it was...

On so many levels...

christinahaberkern: Today sucks. Ditto Quraishi.

I wore my lucky gun earrings to jury panel selection today...

“The inherent problem with watching Wall-E is that almost...”
— Twelve Reasons a Movie Should...

My emoticon for today:

:/

happy Canada day, eh?

“That guy is a joke,” Pratt says with scorn. “We were...”
—  Spencer Pratt on Kevin...

The pot calling the kettle black (and...

I love that Pamela Anderson has publicly called Jessica Simpson a whore. This came from the same...

boringloser: Through some weird fluke of the audience’s...

Nostalgia, circa 2005.

I was just looking at some old photos from college that I’d forgotten about, and as always,...

Playing “gangsters” at a mafia-themed sorority...

Literature in 3 lines or less

Two Shows

boringloser: OK. So my pilot will be screened. SUNDAY @ CHANNEL 101: Making Mistakes, Episode #2...

BESTIES ON ICE: Getting closer to my...

glog: PARDON…. is rosewater VEGAN? #32 on the summer list- Rosewater Ice Cream. Glory, To answer...

movie night inquiry

Does anyone have a victorian-esque wig I could borrow? For someone to look like, say, Thomas...

Internet pinky promise with Paul.

This is how I'm going to try and date girls...

Tips to Get Joanna off Jury Duty

holdthewhippedcream: Since I follow Joanna— I mean, I follow her blog— I’ve noticed her being...

Getting closer to my heritage.

Finally went to Mashti Malone’s tonight (after putting it on my to-do list in November), the...

HOLY SHIT! The girl who made a sex tape with...

Lunch break from jury duty, or, trying...

I drove home from downtown for my hour and a half lunch break of jury duty just to get the hell out...

allgrownsup: Down’s Syndrome Dolls. Ok no this time for...

Guess who has to report for jury duty...

After three consecutive days of calling the juror hotline and winning the “not it!”...

Told ya so. (Jared's alive.)

“In lieu of donations, please give low fat condiment packets...”
— -Jaredremembered.com Apparently...

"Maid cafes?" Of course. Leave it to the...

In other news, I think I’m getting my 2nd stomach bug in one week (or in 5 days). I woke up at...

Yes, this one is about you.

I just booked airfare to fly to Vegas mid-July to hang with my parents dad while they’re my...

“Why Russert and Carlin, and not O’Reilly and Mencia?”
— Some internet person, via...

I just ate proscuitto and melon at my dining room table in Los Angeles, to pretend that I was...

Don't you love it when...

you’re supposed to have jury duty on a monday but when you call the automated juror line...

glog: HELLO BATCAVE…AND WATCH OUT! It’s on the summer-to-do...

holdthewhippedcream: I was: angry that I paid $9.50 to see a movie that hasn’t improved in quality...

Happy birthday, Howlie Pants! I luyou!

Bathroom epiphany

I’m using the bathroom last night in the 6th floor penthouse of Chateau Marmont last night,...

A conversation that could only take...

Kevin Lehman: Glory, I love your hair! It's so much better than your old weird hair, that reddish brown? I didn't like the color.
Glory: Thank you. (beat) I'm actually wearing a wig.

...in sheeps' clothing.

i’m alive, the mouth is no longer numb, and i’m sitting at my kitchen table drinking a...

Thanks, novacaine.

Is it a bad idea to go hiking at Runyon an hour and a half after getting an old filling re-filled?...

christinahaberkern: Get to see her tonight. Yay! WHOOP...

LA FILM FESTIVAL STARTS TODAY!!!!

Who wants to partake in some film screening with me over the next 10 days? I’m unemployed and,...

It turns out the judge isn't nearly as...

I just watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit for the first time in well over a decade. Here’s the...

Shlomit: i've been thinking about reevaluating my friendslist on facebook. think people will get offended?
me: i wouldnt be concerned about it
i do it from time to time
Shlomit: i'm talking about serious consolidation though
me: go through, delete people i cant remember the last time i spoke to them or think ill speak to in the future
me: oh shit
me: are...you going ot cancel me?
Shlomit: pshh
Shlomit: i would only cancel your friendship if there was a way to merge our profiles as one
Shlomit: or if facebook had the "soulmate of" option (kinda like they have "in a relationship with")
me: OMG thats amazing
me: if we could merge our profiles together: Shlojo Quraishi-Benartzy
Shlomit: i think you're onto something there brain!
me: we should get married in California just so we can torture our adopted children with terrible hyphenated last names like that
Shlomit: i LOVE terrible hyphenated last names!!
me: i think i just proposed to you
Shlomit: i think i just accepted

checkyoureggs: david choe Best. Picture. Ever.

This Is A Great Day

allgrownsup: johncarney: Red wine makes you thinner and coffee helps you live longer. And, of...

Perez Hilton presents "Gossip on the Go", a...

Two thoughts, not at all related.

1) Norm MacDonald’s surprise set last night at See You Next Tuesday - he was either fucked up...

watcheroftheskies: The Deepest Swimming Pool In The...

I hope you're happy.

Hey, Sarah Howell, I finally enabled comments on my blog. Now you can leave snarky little comments...

Finally, some answers to my question. Or, one...

A neverending to-do list:

With it being summer and me being unemployed, I’ve come up with a fun yet purposeful...

i wish i could afford to live in a one bedroom apartment so i wouldn’t have to deal with dirty...

pauliophonic: As expensive as gas is, and as expensive as this city is in general, it’s pretty cool...

Yay for Comedy Death Ray in T minus 1 hour and 53 minutes! I’m stoked about seeing Sarah...

This picture kind of made my day. Also, I wonder what they...

I'm quickly turning into my grandmother....

I showed up to last night’s Movie Night with a wine glass and mini-bottle of wine (screw-off...

How Have I Never Read This?

(I think he’s talking to me. LOL.)

check list almost complete, and it's...

I’ve been pretty productive today (as productive as someone who is currently unemployed can...

last minute cry for help

if anyone isn’t working tomorrow, has a camera, and wants to partake in the fun that is making...

Submission Submitted

glog: During the nightmarish last few months in the office, my blessed neighboring desk buddy,...

Hiking: the "lame california shit"...

me: im gonna go hiking before the mister gets off work'
me: gots to get me excersizms in
sarah: what? thats some lame california shit right there. "Hiking". its called walking down in normal people land
me: well im going to a canyon 2 blocks from my house
sarah: p.s., i meant this version of california to be pronounced "caliey-four-nye-ayye"
me: and its "walking" up a mountain, enjoying the city view, and then trying no to stumble down the steep, rocky path
me: its a far cry from the walking you, Puddles, and I did in Flo-rida
me: and i meant that version to be pronounced like the rapper, Flow-rider, not the state

Where did I put the ammo...

glog: Last night on Letterman… Spencer [“What’s his name”] and that idiot Heidi stopped by to only...

Dear Delbert Dean Shoopman (the person,...

Could I have received a more useful and smile-inducing email at 11:39 on a Friday night than one...

Next week = I'm a comedy whore.

This is what happens when I’m unemployed.* Next week I’m going on Tuesday to see Sarah...

pauliophonic: Awesome. Yay^2 (squared) (get it? because...

Oh, and while we're on the subject of...

F the moon shoes. You know, the expensive, ugly as all get out walking shoes that Katherine Heigl...

Dear Urban Outfitters,

Why are you holding out on me? Remember that order I placed a week and a half ago, that you promised...

Craigslist ad...

From time to time, I like to browse Craigslist in hopes of finding little gems like the following...

Martha would sympathize.

Why aren’t there any NORMAL recipes for chocolate chip cookies on the food network’s...

Sleeping in and buying jeans, the things...

I slept in until 9:30 again today and am making an earnest attempt to feel less guilty about it. I...

pauliophonic: I’ve survived in this city for five months. Hooray. And I’ve been here a year as...

“I think we are going to go to the movies later, and pick up...”
—  My friend Tallia, who has...

Animal Review urges us not to see "Kung Fu...

“Hellllllo, I’m not dead. Call me.”
—  Voicemail I just received...

a quick history/pick-up lines...

Paul: what's "kamikaze'd"?
Paul: i am not familiar with that move
me: kamikaze, like japanese bomber pilots from ww2
Paul: oh
me: who would crash their shit into our shit
me: i should teach history

“By the way, if you ever teach my children that trash again,...”
— - Email from my hardcore...

My college years called - they want...

The pie was a success, in case you were wondering. Drinking a blue fishbowl with my two roommates at...

Two things right quick.

Today is one of those days that make me thankful to live in Southern California. Blame it on the...

Hey lady, your future's showing!

I’m going to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy one of those old-timey do it yourself by hand (no...

Finally, a girl after my own heart.